So you want to be a bodybuilder?
Good.
At least now you have a socially acceptable reason for Googling
“how to get big fast”
at 3 AM.
Relax.
This guide is for absolute dummies, himbos, and men who just want to look dangerously attractive in tight shirts.
Let’s begin your descent into protein-filled chaos.
⭐ 1. Touch the Dumbbell Like You Mean It
Pick it up.
Hold it firm.
No, firmer.
Yes, that’s the grip.
Don’t be shy — every gym bro is touching something heavy and hoping it grows.
Welcome to the club.
⭐ 2. Lift Slowly, Like You’re Teasing Someone Watching You
Bodybuilding is not a race.
It’s a slow, dramatic performance.
Lift…
Squeeze…
Hold…
Pretend someone cute is secretly watching you from the treadmill section.
Fast reps look like exorcism.
Slow reps look… delicious.
⭐ 3. Eat Protein Like It Owes You Money
Muscles don’t grow from thin air.
They grow from protein.
Your daily food rotation now includes:
- Chicken
- Eggs
- Fish
- Beef
- More chicken
- And one emotional whey shake every evening
If your kitchen doesn’t smell like a meal prep factory, you’re doing it wrong.
⭐ 4. Train Everything — Not Just the “Show Off” Muscles
Yes, chest day is fun.
Yes, arm day makes you feel like Thor’s cousin.
But please…
Train your legs too.
You can’t be a bodybuilder with biceps of a superhero and legs of a skinny flamingo.
Balance, my friend.
Balance.
⭐ 5. Supplements Help — But They’re Not Magic Potions
Whey protein is good.
Creatine is good.
Pre-workout is… chaos in a cup.
But none of them work if you don’t actually lift weights.
If you drink three scoops daily but skip the gym, congratulations — you’re now a professional milkshake drinker.
⭐ 6. Rest Like a King Who Has Earned It
Muscles grow when you sleep.
Not when you scream through your 10th set like someone stole your nasi lemak.
Sleep 7–8 hours.
Take rest days.
Let your body recover.
Don’t be a gym zombie.
⭐ 7. Take Progress Pics (Preferably When Sweaty & Dangerous)
You won’t see changes at first.
But your camera will.
Take weekly photos:
- Pumped arms
- Tight waist
- Abs pretending to exist
- A smirk you didn’t realise you’re making
Future you will look back and say,
“Wow… I used to be adorable. Weak, but adorable.”
⭐ 8. Accept the Hunger. It Will Never Leave You.
Bodybuilders are always hungry.
Always.
You will:
- Eat
- Train
- Eat again
- Think about eating
- Snack while thinking about eating
- Sleep hungry
- Wake up hungrier
Meal prep is now your romantic relationship.
⭐ 9. Practice the Sacred Law of Progressive Overload
To grow:
- Lift heavier
- Or do more reps
- Or more sets
- Or rest less
- Or make questionable noises while lifting
If you lift the same weight every week, the only thing growing is your frustration.
⭐ 10. Accept the Lifestyle or Stay Skinny Forever
Bodybuilding is:
- Eating like a hungry bear
- Training like a man with a mission
- Sleeping like a baby
- Flexing like your life depends on it
- Pretending you don’t enjoy the attention (you do)
Once you start, you’ll never stop.
It’s addictive.
It’s painful.
It’s sexy.
And you’ll love every chaotic second.
🍑🔥
BEGINNER WORKOUT PLAN (Simple, Naughty, Effective)
Day 1 — Chest & Triceps
Push-ups (slow, controlled, a little dramatic)
Bench press
Tricep dips
Day 2 — Back & Biceps
Rows
Lat pulldown
Curls (go on… curl it)
Day 3 — Legs
Squats (deep, very deep 😉)
Leg press
Calf raises
Day 4 — Shoulders & Abs
Shoulder press
Lateral raises
Planks (shake if you must)
Short.
Simple.
Even a golden retriever-energy gym bro can follow it.
🍑 FINAL MESSAGE
You will sweat.
You will ache.
You will complain.
You will flex in mirrors you didn’t even mean to look at.
You will accidentally thirst-trap people.
And you will secretly love it.
Welcome to bodybuilding, dummy.
Now go lift something heavy… and make it look good.
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